omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
