You made me cry and you don't even care
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
