my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
