If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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