I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
