stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
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