Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
