My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
