New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
