Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
