i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Randomize
