it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
