don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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