ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I am available for nakedness
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
