I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize