don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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