I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
