it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
