I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
