im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
