My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
