I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
