made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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