He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
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