thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
