please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Randomize
