I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
