don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
And then he peed in my hair
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