OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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