Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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