Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
