It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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