I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
