mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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