Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
