you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
