Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
