I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
