So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
