In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
