Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
