You made me cry and you don't even care
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
