I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
