Taylor Swift is so right about you.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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