Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize
