Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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