I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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