WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
