Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
