My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
