I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
