This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
