I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Shame - the story of my life.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
