is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
My life is pants optional.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
