so that wasnt chicken after all
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
