you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
