I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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