either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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