Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
