So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
