He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
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