But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
