My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
