Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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