I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
How's work?
Spinning.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
