Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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