Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Too much gin, very little bucket
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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