3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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