we have pet lesbian snakes
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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