i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
