Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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